You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
