CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
