beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
