I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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