I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
