I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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