Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
