i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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