Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
