Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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