I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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