Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
