I want you more than these girls want KFC
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
