Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
