i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
