Don't you send me to vm
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
