So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
