THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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