I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
