shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
