I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
