I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
