I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
