Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
