Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
