i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
