it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
