So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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