the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
