happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
