Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I believe in your delicious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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