I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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