its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
