seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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