I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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