should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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