i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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