Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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