I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
