i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
