she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
