i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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