so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
