1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
