I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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