am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
