I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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