Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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