I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
