There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
