At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
