we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
