I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
