she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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