i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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