I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
