I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
