who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
