I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
