Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
