so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
