Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
