fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
