i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
