I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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