Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
